A Rambling Confession

The Greeting

Hello fellow bloggers, Internet wanderers, and all those who somehow ended up on this page by mistake–or somehow on purpose.

What’s up.

The Commencement

Those two headings were beyond unnecessary, but this is my blog and, eh, stuff happens.

For this week’s blog post, not that it’s really on a “weekly” schedule or anything, you and I are going to delve into the “why I took a course in Literary Citizenship.”

The Confession

I’ll openly admit it: I took this class because a 405 course is mandatory for my Creative Writing major. No matter what, I was going to have to take a 405 class.

Besides it being mandatory, I chose this particular section because of the professor teaching it: Cathy Day.

I’d had two previous classes with her; one was a sort of “intro” to fiction writing (which I had a year ago this semester), and the other was a novel writing course (which I had just last semester).

Each class I had with her I quite enjoyed and got a lot out of it, so when I saw that she would be teaching this course, I thought that it would ease the pain of a mandatory class.

(Sometimes, if I’m forced to do something, I just really absolutely hate it, no matter what. I just get in that horrid mindset of “I’m being forced to do this and that makes it suck” at times. So, I was looking for a way to avoid that feeling so that the semester would go by smoothly and not seem to drag on forever.)

The class is only one day a week from 6:30-9:10 and is not the easiest for my Thursdays begin at 3:00 a.m. when I have to get up for work. After a brief nap, I have class at 2-3:15, then 5-6:15, and then finally this Literary Citizenship one.

Needless to say, Thursdays are my most dreaded day of the week and I wish super hard for them not to exist, but they, so far, despite my intense Anti-Thursday dances, keep rolling around.

The Good News

Despite the long, long day that Thursday presents me with, so far it has turned out to be not such a crisis.

(“Yet! Not yet!” screams the pessimist who long ago took control of my brain.

“Shut up, I’m busy here,” I reply, continuing to type through the shrieking.)

I had no clue what “literary citizenship” was when I first read the course description at the end of the semester before finals.

And what I’ve learned so far has been pretty neat.

Like having to do modern day “charming notes.”

We have to follow five people’s blogs, Twitters, like their Facebook pages, etc. to show support. The less famous  they are, the better, though, everyone still counts.

At first I was worried about that being super tedious or filling up my Twitter feed with nonsense, but it’s actually been pretty cool.

I’m one of those people who will go on Wikipedia to look up one thing (say Paul Revere’s famous ride, alarming all those of Boston about the British) and end up on something completely unrelated from my original query (like neuroscience or quantum mechanics).

So, by going and following random writers and authors, I get taken down a trail where the destination is unknown.

I also happen to be one of those people who get stuck in ruts with things and don’t like to venture out to find new things when I’ve already got a suitcase packed of stuff I like.

But, at times, I really wish I had a new band to listen to or a new TV series to watch…

OR BOOKS TO READ.

Because, despite not being able to read for pleasure in college, I still happen to really love books and can only reread my favorites so many times before wanting to see how someone else interprets the world.

This class is definitely going to help with that, too.

The “I’m Almost Done Now”

So, let’s see…

What have we covered so far?

1. I took this class because it was mandatory.

2. I took this particular one, though, for the professor.

3. I’ve been rambling the rest of this post.

Good, good. We’re still on course.

I think that’s really all that needs to be said.

We could talk  about my day, but I won’t make you suffer through that (all I did was homework, eat briefly, and watch it snow).

(See what I did there? Still told you about my day.)

This class is definitely far different from any other English class I’ve taken not only here at Ball State, but in my entire education career.

And that freshness is most definitely welcomed.

The Goodbye

Until next time, my fellow Internet perusers.

Au revoir.

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Blogging and Why I Suck At It

PART I

The Reveal

I suck at blogging. That is why I stated it in the title, so that you would be aware of what you would be getting into by continuing to read on.

Aren’t you glad you got warned first?

Because, for all intents and purposes, you now know that you could stop whenever you want because it’s not going to get any better than this…or continue to read on with ever lowering expectations.

I’m considerate. I like to think of my audience as much as possible.

But, for the sake of class, I must have a blog.

So, here I am.

Hello. Greetings. Salutations.

Now, if you’re still reading this, you must be wondering, amongst other things, I’d imagine, “Why does she think she is so bad at blogging? She seems to understand the general rules and what not of blogging etiquette (if that is such a thing).”

Well, I’ll you why I suck so hard at blogging.

I hate revealing my thoughts and what have you not only on the Internet, but just in life in general. I get very anxious and antsy whenever the conversation is turned my way and I must reveal something that I’m thinking.

Even if it’s as simple and harmless as, “Yeah, I like pepper jack cheese on my burgers.”

No, please don’t ask me preferences. Let’s just talk about you.

But, I will try and cooperate as much as possible for the sake of the class and to try and learn something about myself.

Maybe by the end, I’ll be like, a Blog Master or something rad like that.

Part II

My Presence

Now, continuing on with as much ease as possible, for class we were asked to ask others or review ourselves what our online presence is like.

I had no need to ask others; I’m plenty aware of what I’m like on the internet.

I’m one of those people that likes to complain or be over dramatic about a situation.

For example, “You know, winter is really awesome. Have to bundle up in order to not freeze to death on the way to class, and then, by the time you get there, sweat is pouring down your back. WE JUST CAN’T WIN, CAN WE WINTER? CAN WE?!”

Sarcasm is always a key element to my online presence as well.

It’s basically the ONLY element to anything I do ever.

Pretty sure I’ve leveled up to being able to being able to brush my teeth sarcastically.

Not even kidding.

Okay, maybe being only a little hyperbolic, but I’m staying in character. So now you know what to really expect out of me.

I tend to have some angry rants as well on the Internet. Mostly because I’m too passive to deal with them in person OR because I don’t know personally the victim of my anger.

Usually it tends to be someone who just pisses me off in a random place like during waiting for the bathroom or in the lunch line, when I’m out driving, in the store, etc. I’ll rant on Twitter or write some sort of sarcastic, “Dear So and So” letter to the person on Facebook.

I try to keep them on the funny side of angry, but it doesn’t always happen.

I also sound bitterer than a pot of Starbucks coffee most the time.

Eh, I guess it happens. I don’t know. I’ve tried to stop sounding so negative all the time. Do at least one “positive” post a week and that never even took off. I’m just a negative person by nature.

Why should I have to try and change that just to please others?

I shouldn’t and I won’t.

I don’t tell optimistic people that they should be more negative. So I don’t believe that it’s fair of them to tell me to be more positive.

Let’s just let each other be.

Part III

The Interview

And then finally, there’s the interview.

For class, we’re going to have these like, faux interviews for “jobs” or just like to pretend or something and I’m not too nervous.

Not yet at least.

Mostly because I’ve got other things to think and stress about before then. Can’t worry too far into the future (although I worry about the Big Picture Future all the time).

If I start to think about this interview now, which I am currently doing, I’ll send myself into a panic attack, which I currently am beginning to feel.

No one really likes interviews, but I especially don’t.

Whenever I get nervous, my skin always blemishes and gives away the fact that my heart is pumping a million lightyears an hour and I can do nothing to stop this skin thing.

My body heats up when I get nervous and so it automatically just starts to spot.

STOP. STOP IT, BODY.

I hate it. It even happens with lesser things. Like being nervous to see a friend or something. I don’t know, my body is an idiot.

I don’t think I’ve been calm a day in my life.

But, anyway, so as I gear up (“gear up”) for an interview, I just get too nervous to even know what to do with myself, no matter how cool and relaxed the interviewers are.

I ramble.

I repeat myself.

I start spewing nonsense and even I don’t know how I got so far off topic.

Like…what?

It’s really annoying.

Plus, you have to essentially sell yourself and that’s what I hate more than most things in this world. I don’t want to sell myself to someone (see the above Part I).

I know that’s basically the only way I’m ever going to get a job, but it’s just so brutally painful for me to sit in there, hoping that I’m selling myself in the right way so as to be desirable to the employer when all I really wanna say is, “Yeah, I basically suck. Are we done yet?”

Just being honest (again, Part I).

So…I’m really not looking forward to this interview. Even if it is fake and just for practice.

I just recently had an interview that ended up with me not getting the job, so that wound is fairly fresh.

I say “wound” as if it was SUPER important. It really wasn’t, but no one likes knowing that they weren’t good enough for something.

PART IV

The Closing

And now, to briefly wish myself luck:

Here’s to this blogging dealio and to the interview coming up.

And life in general, I guess. I’ll wish myself good luck to that.

Because I know I’m gonna need as much of it as I can get.

And then some.